I ALMOST KILLED A MAN

I nearly killed a man and every body just stood there watching. A broken head, gee on the ground, blood everywhere and all the girls ran away.

Its astonishing how far a man could go when his pride is hurt. The guy hurt my ego; he effed me up in the presence of girls. Girls. How can you do that to a man? How can you embarrass a gee when the chic of his crush is right there watching? That’s evil. Who does that?

It was senior year in High School. Me and my friends were chilling when I dropped the ‘bomb’ that I had just being effed up the previous night, along with another of my guy who had tried coming to my rescue.
As soon as my friends heard the story, they said “He had no right to do that. Let’s pay him back in his own coin.” And that’s exactly what we did.

It was at a private lesson organised for senior secondary school students. I was a funny guy, in the class. It was ‘cool’ to be funny. People knew you and talked about you.
So one cool evening, the scheduled teacher was running late and I thought I should take his place to make a few jokes. Most members of the class were enjoying my gabs. But not this guy. He hated my guts. He instantly chided me, right there in the class, deflating my mojo. That wasn’t cool. That was malicious. And all malicious people will go to hell.

A wind of embarrassment blew over my face for a minute. As I quickly recovered I jokingly mentioned for everyone to hear “If you have a problem with me, let’s go do it outside…” Of course I didn’t mean it. It was just an escape for me to move away.

The kid took it serious. He came outside and fucked me up before everyone. Before my crush. I didn’t think I could let that slide. I had to prove to him, to my crush, to everyone present that I was not a wimp.

I didn’t know what to do but my friends had a “great” idea…

Next day as he was walking to class, with springs in his steps, my boys spread and jumped him. With sticks hidden in nearby flowers/bushes. Just picture the Rivers House of Assembly fracas (you can see on Youtube). Picture Mohamed Ali’s rumble in the jungle – this time five against one. We were like Chinese ninjas that afternoon.

Everybody just stood watching. Once the girls saw blood, they all ran. Blood – everywhere. I had to stop my friends from doing further harm on him – I was afraid he might die.

Rude boy had been paid back in his own coin. Right before his crush. He was pained by the embarrassment of it, more than the pains from his injuries. And he vowed on his life to get us all whacked to hell.

That’s when it hit us — he was a member of a vicious street gang. Oh boy! Matter just got worse.

A huge fight ensued the next night – same spot. Kid showed up with his vicious gang who were ready to do great wickedness for their boy…

Few days later, my friends were being chased all over town. They couldn’t go to certain places for fear of harm. I decided it was probably the best time for a one or two months vacation. By the time I returned I learned my friends had arranged a superior influence and there had been peace on our own terms.

Life is just exactly like that and I learnt a few things.

Lessons:

1) Not everyone thinks you’re funny

2) Some people would hate your guts for just no reason. “What you think of Stanley Jack?” “Fuck him!” “Why you say that?” “I don’t like him. I hate his guts.” “Why?” “Fuck him, mehn, I just don’t like him!” You get the point.

3) Never rely completely on the advice from your friends – they are too emotionally connected to you. They love you but still won’t give you the best advice.

4) When you grow older you realise that most of the things you took seriously weren’t that serious afterall. So be careful about your thoughts, friends and actions – always think about the future.

5) Never fuck a gee up in public — even if you don’t like him — especially before chics. Never think he can do nothing. You never know what his crazy friend would come up with.

6) Don’t mess with kids. They always have a group. One is always times ten.

7) Your friends will fight your battle for you if they love you. It’s called loyalty.

It’s time for breakfast. Am out –


Stanley G. Jack
MD, Stanley Wallstreet Limited
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
Stanley is the author of “Who Took My Job?”(@whotookmyjob) – coming soon!
Follow him on Twitter:@wealthyJACK

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